Guide to being a man

The Unofficial Goldman Sachs guide to being a man:
  • Stop talking about where you went to college.
  • Always carry cash. Keep some in your front pocket.
  • Rebel from business casual. Burn your khakis and wear a suit or jeans.
  • It’s ok to trade the possibility of your 80s and 90s for more guaranteed fun in your 20s and 30s.
  • Never stay out after midnight three nights in a row… Unless something really good comes up on the third night.
  • You will regret your tattoos.
  • Never date an ex of your friend.
  • Join Twitter; become your own curator of information.
  • If riding the bus doesn’t incentivise you to improve your station in life, nothing will.
  • Time is too short to do your own laundry.
  • When the bartender asks, you should already know what you want to drink.
  • If you perspire, wear a damn undershirt
  • Hookers aren’t cool, but remember, the free ones are a lot more expensive.
  • When people don’t invite you to a party, you really shouldn’t go.
 And sometimes even when you are invited, you shouldn’t go.
  • People are tired of you being the funny, drunk guy.
  • When in doubt, always kiss the girl.
  • Tip more than you should.
  • You probably use your mobile phone too often and at the wrong moments.
  • Buy expensive sunglasses. Superficial? Yes, but so are the women judging you. And it tells these women you appreciate nice things and are responsible enough not to lose them.
  • Do 50 push-ups, sit-ups, and dips before you shower each morning.
  • Eat brunch with friends at least every other weekend. Leave Rusty and Junior at home.
  • Be a regular at more than one bar.
  • Act like you’ve been there before. It doesn’t matter if it’s in the end zone at the Super Bowl or on a private plane.
  • A glass of wine or two with lunch will not ruin your day.
  • Learn how to fly-fish.
  • No selfies. Aspire to experience photo-worthy moments in the company of a beautiful woman.
  • Own a handcrafted shotgun. It’s a beautiful thing.
  • There’s always another level. Just be content knowing that you are still better off than most who have ever lived.
  • You can get away with a lot more if you’re the one buying the drinks.
  • Ask for a salad instead of fries.
  • Don’t split a check.
  • Pretty women who are unaccompanied want you to talk to them.
  • When a bartender buys you a round, tip double.
  • Be spontaneous.
  • Find a Times New Roman in the streets and a Wingdings in the sheets. She exists.
  • Piercings are liabilities in fights.
  • Do not use an electric razor.
  • Desserts are for women. Order one and pretend you don’t mind that she’s eating yours.
  • Buy a tuxedo before you are 30. Stay that size.
  • One girlfriend at a time is probably enough.
  • #StopItWithTheHastags
  • Your ties should be rolled and placed in a sectioned tie drawer.
  • Throw parties. 
But have someone else clean up the next day.
  • Measure yourself only against your previous self.
  • Take more pictures. With a camera.
  • Place-dropping is worse than-name dropping.
  • Your clothes do not match. They go together.
  • Yes, of course you have to buy her dinner.
  • Staying angry is a waste of energy.
  • If she expects the person you are 20% of the time, 100% of the time, then she doesn’t want you.
  • Always bring a bottle of something to the party.
  • Don’t use the word “closure” or ever expect it in real life.
  • If you are wittier than you are handsome, avoid loud clubs.
  • Date women outside your social set. You’ll be surprised.
  • If it’s got velvet ropes and lines, walk away unless you know someone.
  • You cannot have a love affair with whiskey because whiskey will never love you back.
  • If you believe in evolution, you should know something about how it works.
  • No-one cares if you are offended, so stop it.
  • Never take an ex back. She tried to do better and is settling with you.
  • Eating out alone can be magnificent. Find a place where you can sit at the bar.
  • Read more. It allows you to borrow someone else’s brain, and will make you more interesting at a dinner party — provided that you don’t initiate conversation with, “So, who are you reading…”
  • Ignore the boos. They usually come from the cheap seats.
  • Don’t ever say, “it is what it is.”
  • Don’t gamble if losing $US100 is going to piss you off.
  • Remember, “rules are for the obedience of fools and the guidance of wise men.”

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